Conversation: it’s something that everyone knows how to do, whether it’s for 5 minutes or 5 hours, it’s intuitive. Yet just because it is intuitive doesn’t mean one can’t be bad at it, nor does it mean one can’t improve on it. I believe that knowing the parts of a conversation will help one become a better conversationalist. The parts are as follows:

Intro/Start    |     Middle     |     Ending

“Hi,” “Hello,” “Excuse me, is this seat taken?” “I was wondering…”

There is no strict way to start a conversation. But here are some pointers for talking to someone whom you’ve never met:

• Never assume anything; what they wear and who they are can be completely different (unless they look dangerous, then you might not want to go near them).
• I know introductions can be strange, but don’t worry about it and just do it. The person will be grateful for not having to think, “Did this person mention his name and I didn’t catch it?” It is as simple as, “Hey, my name is Phil, how are you?” If you really don’t like that typical, boring approach, start it off with a question, “Do you like that pizza you’re eating? Because I don’t, yet I hear everyone raving about how good it is.” Then, as you continue talking,  just mention, “Oh, I totally forgot. Hi, my name’s Phil” and extend a hand out to shake. (I will have a post about this subject in the future)
• Be cautious about starting off with a question that touches on a controversial subject (religion, sexuality, etc.) because you might end up with an angry argument instead of an intelligent debate. (Unless you’re at a rally for that cause)

“So, I was going to the mall today and…” “What do you think?” “Yeah, I think you make a valid statement.”

The middle or the meat of the conversation is easier as you have more and more conversations. Once the wheel starts rolling, it takes less effort to keep it going. But if you give the conversation your all, using all these tips, and it still just doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, well then my friend, you are talking to someone who either doesn’t want to talk to you or is tired/bored. So follow these tips to have a successful conversation.

• Listen! This pointer is going to help with the next one.
• Questions are one of the best fuels for conversation. If you’re listening to him/her, make a question based on whatever he/she says.  And make sure it’s not close ended, as in no yes/no questions. Questions like, “Why do you think that?” (I will have a post about conversation questions in the future) work really well.
• When being asked a question, do not just say “Yeah,” and leave dead air. Unless the person is in the middle of a big story and asked your opinion, then you can just say yes or no.  Otherwise, explain your answer and if you really can’t say anything, then as a filler you can add at the end “I mean, I wish I could say more, but yeah.” (Make sure you change up that phrase if you have to use it a lot)
• Don’t fret about talking about yourself for a small portion, just don’t make the whole thing about yourself.  If the other person is asking you, then go ahead. But don’t be too cocky or boastful, they might not ask you another question if it will yield the same response.

“I gotta go.” “It was nice to meet you.” “And your number is…” “Facebook?”

Ah, the ending.  It is swift, and doesn’t require much work. This can be a simple, “Oh crap, I’m late for …” or “I gotta go to my class in 15 minutes, see ya.” Here are some pointers so you end on a good note:

• For the first time meeting someone, make sure you say, “It was nice meeting you.” If the person beatsyou to it, you can just add a “too,” or what I do because my studdering can sometimes get in the way of things, “Same here.” I haven’t received criticism about the “same here” response, but I have never heard it said to me, so I’m assuming it is still polite to say it.
• Try to mention something from the conversation, and make sure you say the person’s name like, “Well, Tom, good luck with that job interview” or “Well, I’m off to that class I just mentioned, see ya later Sue.” Mentioning the person’s name, especially if it is your first time meeting the person or if the person is your new friend,  is important. Lets face it, hearing one’s name sounds good and makes one feel as if the other really cared about the conversation.
• Shaking hands is a good way to end a conversation, or a hug if he/she is comfortable with it. In Europe it is acceptable to kiss each other on the cheek, regardless of gender, so don’t be offended if this happens overseas.
• If you feel that the conversation went well, don’t be afraid to ask for a cell phone number or for them to write down their name for Facebook. Don’t be off set if they don’t, some people are touchy about their privacy.

Well I hope this helps you in future conversation!

Until next time, it was nice meeting you!

Philippe Batigne, “The Conversationalist”